The drunken monkeys are everywhere, even in Photoshop Tutorials
You might call me crazy, you might call me a rebel. But believe me, this is true. Drunken monkeys are in more places than you actually think. I considered myself somehow a true researcher with a really open mind, super smart, super handsome, super smart... but this.. this....is a miracle.. I found drunken monkeys in the most unthought place of human kind: Photoshop tutorials!
http://www.smashingmagazine.com/2008/02/13/drunken-monkey-photoshop-tutorial/
Its brilliant!
I wish I thought of that idea first, so had more money here at the lab. Currently we are limiting our posts to save energy. Damn monkeys, they took everything. Watch out. Chaos. Terror. Arrrghhh. Oh, did I just said that?
First monkey ninja has been caught drunken
One of the monkey ninjas that recently broke out of the zoo in a small town called new kandraque was caught about 2mins ago. The monkey (who is pictured) was caught sipping on martini outside a alcohol retailer by three ninja monkey hunters. He put up qute a fight but was cornered and captured after a couple of minutes. There is still at least 5 monkey ninjas left to be captured and authorities say that the public should be on the lookout for them. We´ve noticed that ninja monkeys tend to drink more martinis than
other alcoholic beverages. We see a strong connection between their ninja training and the drinking habbits. Pretty sophisticated says the ARCDM!
Field Research part II - Snowboarding drunken monkeys targetting the winter olympics
After being absent for some days, we returned to the lab with shocking and almost unbelievable news. Long and rigorous research was done in our secret chalet in the middle of the Swiss alps, together with long-stealth-distance observation from the chalet high tower.
Turns out that the team of drunken monkeys is brilliant. They demonstrated not only that they are way more funny than the Swiss team, but that they are able to produce "secret" and "dark" moves while in the air. Is the alcohol the key ingredient in this mysterious behavior?
We interviewed the team leader "Mr. White Balls", that unfortunately couldnt speak a word because of the amount of alcohol in his blood. But we, as a team of innovators and self-teaching team, concluded that his strange movements and the yellow snow in his mouth and body (see previous post) just means that he is truly happy and very professional.
Finally the human beings have a respectful enemy at the winter olympics. Although, the Republic of Congo team is doing great in figure skating. Oh, did I just said that?
Refueling
After a long research period, we´ve discoverd how drunken monkeys get rid of their hang-overs, it´s an event that has never been captured on video, we´re very proud
to share this unique material with you!
Another Perfect Example where drunken monkeys improve the economy
A beer guzzling monkey is among the first to make a beeline for the local liquor shop, so that she can lay her hands on her fix for the day. It started as a joke for some truck drivers, but it has turned into an addiction for this 34 year old primate.
She arrives at the shop on the outskirts of the North American city of Dogville, a right before it opens. She is looking forward to a pint or two from the owner or from any of the amused customers. Locals say that Benno has never failed to visit the beer shop in all these years.
[Michael McCormic, beer shop owner]: "It is a pet. Earlier the drivers visiting the shop used to give beer just for some lighthearted fun but slowly the monkey got addicted to it. She has been drinking beer for the last 20 years. She drinks at least 2-3 bottles everyday. She is roughly 34-year-old and drinks only beer."
New customers love the sight of the monkey's drinking binge. Most of the customers vouch for her calm behavior, saying she really doesn't misbehave, even when she doesn't get a beer. And once she has a drink in her hand, she becomes completely oblivious to the world around her.
[Arthur Vanderbeeken, a customer]: "She can even consume 5-6 bottles a day. She does ask for beer from the customers in her own language. She doesn't bite if beer is not given to her. But if she is teased then she can react."
Monkeys are generally revered in America and many Americans worship them as a form of the monkey-god Hanuman. Devotees often offer fruits and food to the primates.
Interesting!
Once again the advanced research center for drunken monkeys calls out for a new business model combined with beer drinking monkeys. If you want to have a totally
wasted monkey in front of your store, drop us a line and we´ll connect you with the network.
Agression is not related to alcoholism on primates - We swear
Except for the time he ate his son ear, but his lawyer said he thought it was a potato chip (so that doesn't count). Or when he throw himself to the glass wall for an entire week, but we think that he just wanted more affection (since he murdered his 5th wife with an avocado seed).
Long live Mr. Retro-Retard.
